Thanksgiving!

It is almost Thanksgiving! Yea! DRN, Bestfrienda and Mauri are gonna be here tomorrow and I am so excited I could pee, or throw up since I have been sick for the last few days, but I am working on not being sick so that I am not a party pooper. Last week was awesome, only two days of class, this week is awesome only two days of class then two weeks, then finals week, and I AM DONE WITH ALL OF MY COURSEWORK!!! Almost there, almost there, almost there. Yea! Last weekend went to Madison, good times. Then LaCrosse, and then back to the cities for a couple of days of laying around being lazy, it was fabulous. I went to see the real life thinger the Macy's does, it was Mary Poppins, it was wonderful. I must take Thanksgiving crew there, they will love it. Okay back to cleaning.

I am not dead, just a little busy.

So my absence from blog land has be a long time. I am sorry. Forensics stated and I hit the ground running, without as much as a potty break. So since the 2nd weekend in September, I have been gone. I did have one weekend off in there and another that I traveled back to NE but really, that doesn't count as a weekend off. It feels like I am walking around in this surreal dream land right now. My emotions are getting the best of me and I am stuck, not knowing where to go next. Each new motel looks just like the one that I stayed in last weekend and I started getting states confused. Thanks goodness that last weekend was my last for the semester. Now hopefully I can rest, get caught up, and try to rekindle friendship that have been on the back burner for the last few months.

I received some bad news yesterday that really made me rethink what I am doing here and what my future goals are. Through my tears I tried to come to a realization that this news is not a validation of my capabilities or my ambitions, but it feels like that anyway. my disappointment turned to anger and anger again to tears making those around me wonder what was going on.To add fuel to the fire on the the entire situation, I sat in the office today looking for jobs at places like Target and Starbucks, all while uttering that I will be the only 45 year old barista with a Masters degree still living in Mankato because I can't afford to get out. Meanwhile, I know that this is not true, I am going to get out and move on, and I will find a job, but right now the self-pity is in full force and I have a feeling that it is going to stay that way for awhile. And honestly I don't really care, I think that I have a right to be upset. And to those that have anything to say negatively about my self-pity, all I have to say is "watch it cause I will kick you in the face."

Even though there is a part of my life that is making me really sad right now I have started to explore some other options. One being the possiblility of Ph.D. I don't really know if that is what I want to do straight away but I have been contemplating the thought of taking a few classes here and there so that someday I will have my Ph.D.

So my largest vice in my undergrad was rhetoric. That is not the case anymore. I am in this rhetoric of western thought class right now and I actually find it incredibly exhilarating. I get excited to discuss the material and feel that my papers for this class are the best I have written thus far in my schooling. It is crazy. I am scared by this new found love. I want to do interpersonal but find myself thinking of Fucault, Richards and Ogden, Plato, Cicero and the others that make my mind bend. I find myself seriously analyzing texts and brining in rhetoric and rhetorical thought into my daily conversations. I am not sure what this is about, a new love, something that has me incredibly excited about school, something that is seriously making me consider applying for Ph.D. programs... damn you J.D. for being such a fabulous professor and turning me onto this beautiful art.

I also have been contemplating the idea of taking the GRE and reapplying to Chicago. There is apart of me that is still in love with Psychology. I just don't know if I can leave Char and move to Chicago. I can't afford it for one thing and for two I finally feel like I have found a place to settle and start a real life. I wonder what starting all over will be like, I am nervous and scared for June when I am done here in Mankato and worried that I truly won't find what it is that I am looking for when I leave.

I guess that I will just have to wait and see, I have to suck it up and move on, pretend that I am not crushed inside, work on letting it all go and that I am good enough, and smart enough, and people DO like me.

I promise that I will try to update this more. Hopefully next time, it won't be so depressing. Love to you all.

It has started....

So the forensics season has started... and as usual I was not prepared for the new found lack of time I have for my stuff. But I am making it through. In the last month I have...

* Went on Forensics retreat... it was cold and rainy but so much FUN!
*Traveled to Kansas-long, crazy fun trip. It was awesome to see everyone again.
*Learned alot about Greco-Roman rhetoric
*Been really really sick-lots of naps, I am finally feeling better this week
*Gotten really excited that I only have 2 1/2 months of school left until semester and then it is internship and then done!

I know it doesn't seem like a lot but school is really kicking my butt this semester. Almost done though.

This weekend went up to the cities. Fun was had, did some work but didn't get it done. Have to finish a paper by 4 today only about 1/3 of the way done. not sure how it is going to work out for me cause I have a meeting at 1 and another one at 4 so really I only have about 2 hours to ge this thing flushed out. Oh well. I will press on.

Attack Part 2

Upon arriving at the Orange Lot and getting out of her car, the NorthernPrincess was greeted by a very friendly bee. Now, if you know that NorthernPrincess, you know that she doesn't like bees. They freak her out. Well, this bee flew around the NorthernPrincess's head for a while before landing on her purse strap. After this the bee thought that her head was more interesting than any of the Princess's clothing. So for about 8 minutes the NorthernPrincess looked like she was crazy because she kept swishing her hair trying to get the bee away. Finally the bee got frustrated and flew away leaving the NorthernPrincess relived.

Attack!

Today Jezi-Bell got into a fight with my foot. I knock down, drag out fight with my foot. All because my foot was in her "spot" on the couch. I have never seen her act like that, it was nuts. Now as I am sitting here at the kitchen table and she in on the floor upside down, she is eyeing the same foot and I am a little scared.

In other news: There is a funky smell in my apartment and I can't decide where it is coming from. I have taken out the trash, changed Bella box, dumped Clorox in the drain and I can still smell it, I have no idea what it is but I am walking all over my apartment like a crazy sniffing everything. Ugh. Gross.

Also: I have discovered a nice light drink that makes me happy. It is Twisted Tea, half hard Tea and half Hard Lemonade. A hard "teaid" if you will. I love it.

I got new pretties, I will post pictures later, I have to get on to making a lesson plan for class tomorrow. Yea! Audience Analysis!

My last first day of school... for a while at least

Okay so today is the start of my last year of my masters. I am excited and dreading the next year all in one emotion. I know that I am so close to being done and yet still feel like it isn't close enough either. I want to be out of here. Moving on. Working and not worrying about Financial Aid and all of the school drama. I mean I really do love school but I am so tired of it that I can't wait until I am done. I hope that this year goes really well so that I can look back and say. Man, that was awesome. We will see.

Got my travel schedule and it is AWESOME! K-State/Hastings, SDSU , Bradley and Stout. I love it. For once I actually get bigger tournaments and it will be swell.

State fair this past weekend. LOVED IT! I tried out for the Oscar Mayer sing the jingle contest and rocked the Bologna song! The video of my performance will be up in a week so I will post it on here when it is ready. Be prepared, there may be JAZZ HANDS involved. It was a blast.
Besides that wonderfulness of Oscar Mayer I eat some cheese curds and a bucket of cookies and then lost them all in a trash can by the cattle barn. I am so proud of myself. But have no fear, I rallied and all was well.

Well I need to go and finish up some stuff before the team meeting but wanted to get in an update. Will post soon.
Hope all is well for everyone else.

-Holly

Ahhh...

FORENSICS RETREAT ROCKS MY FACE OFF!!!! Okay, really it is just because I am sitting here waiting for something to do.

As for my post last night. I really do appriciate my friends. I am just getting a little frustrated lately with a few certain people.

Lots of talk for the anniversary. It is fun, exciting and a little scary.

I am working on a plan to get home to the Nebraska land sometime at the beginning of October. Right now it is still a pipe dream but working on the details to make it come true.

I am hungry. I wonder if we are getting lunch. Hmm...

Okay I should probably get going to work on nothing again. Loves it.

New year, new me.

So for me the start of another school year began today with the first coaches meeting. It went well, we laughed, discussed topics, etc. Tomorrow starts work week. Saturday is the state fair with Kittie, and then school starts on Monday. I am stressed, but not too yet, I haven't really thought much about school yet. The stress will come and then I will remind myself that I am done with my course work in December and then all I have in my internship and the paper and I am DONE with my Master's degree. I can't believe that I am halfway through a degree, I am just now figuring out how to get around Mankato and shortly I will be leaving it, ahh.... I love that thought.

It has been an interesting last month. I have found out a lot about people whom I considered friends but really aren't. I have to wonder if it is really something that I have done or if it is their own insecurity or need to have drama in their lives that causes it all.
I wonder when I will stop trying so hard for everyone else and for once in my life let people come to me and not the other way around.
I am tired of making all of the effort in certain friendships. I am constantly trying to stay connected to those that are important but after so many phone call are left unreturned because of busyness or new significant others, and plans being broken because our plan are forgotten or not exactly nailed down to the minute and I am left alone, ditched, without plans because mine were broken and while my "friends" are off doing the things that they ditched me for, do they think of me and how my feelings are hurt? Do they think that, "wow it has been a month since I have seen my friend. Maybe I should try a little harder to get to see her. Maybe I should go and visit her for a change. Maybe I could change my plans just this once since I don 't get to see her that often and she has been dealing with a lot of pain and heartache lately and she may need someone." I don't even thing that these thoughts cross the minds of those that hurt me. I really don't even think that they know.

I would also like to address a recent loss of friendship that came from nowhere. I mean how much to I have to do to show you that we are friends? Is not driving 8 1/2 hours to a party that I wasn't even invited to by you enough to show that we are friends? I am sorry that you do not see it that way and I am sorry that you feel like it should be an end to our friendship. I will not argue and fight. Instead I will laugh at funny memories and wish you luck in your life. I hope that you do find happiness in all that you do. I hope that the world treats you right and I hope that everyone that you encounter in your life makes you laugh and can see the talent and hope that you bring with you. I wish you love and luck.

I think that this year will be good for me. I am finally at a place where I can say no and let go of the hurt of the last year. While I may not forget I think that I have forgiven. I know that it will be a long year, one that is also trying on me, to figure out what my next path will be. It will be good. I think that this year also will hold a lot of laughs and good memories. I have already found new friends and ways to spend my time. I am working on keeping a positive attitude about everything, even the things that are said that hurt me. I have found love and I feel like I can do anything now with the undeniable support that is given to me everyday. Love is funny, when I didn't have it I thought I was okay, but now that I have it I would do anything to keep it and never want to live my life again without it. Cheesy, I know. I just feel like I am a new person these days. The future is not so dark. Life is good. The new year is here. I know that this year there will be a new me.

Humpft.

Nothing new to report really.
I haven't been sleeping well. Hot, tired, a lot on my mind.
In need of my friends right now. No one returns my calls, or my facebook messages. Guess I don't have any friends. Sad.
Hot.
Headache.
Job is good though.
Got the internship I wanted at the LGBT center for next year. So exicited I could pee.
Excitement was short lived. Sad again.
Trying not to be.
Not working.
Need bestfriendas.
Must go shower. Maybe feel better.
Maybe go back to bed to not sleep.
Try to do something today.
Just try.

Hot.

It is really f-ing hot! I hate it. I wish that the air actually worked at my place of work but it doesn't so I have been sweating my butt off for the last 9 hours only to home home to my hot apartment to sweat my butt of here. I hate summer, okay I don't I love summer I just hate how it feels like you can drink that air right now. Okay enough of that.

Not a whole lot has been going on. Just work and taking class. Class finished on Friday but now I have to write the final paper and turn it in by Sunday, but for me that means by Friday because Mom and Dad are coming to visit on Friday. Not too stressed.

Just so everyone knows, Kristen is the most fabulous person on the face of the planet! She totally helped me get my house reorganized so that it is clean when mom and dad get here. Not onl y clean but we rearranged the furnature as well, no easy feat let me tell you. We did find out though that the next door neighbors do not like it if you hang picutres at 3:30 in the morning. To that I have to say.... STEP OFF! IT IS MY APARTMENT AND I WILL DO WHATEVER I WANT TO IN IT AND WHENEVER I WANT TO!

Sometimes I truly hate apartment living, but than again if I had a house it would be more expensive and I would have to mow the lawn and shovel snow, so I guess I will take it and be satisfied.

Last week I went up to the cities and cut off all of my hair. It isn't really short but shorter and I think that I kind of like it. It is cute for summer. I wish I had pictures but my digital camera is missing right now but I will find it and take a picture and post it.

Okay I need to start this paper or I will never get it done.

Peace.

Thought of the day....
I wonder what else I can do at 3am to piss off my neighbors? Hmmm...

Update

Hello everyone!
Sorry it has been forever since my last post. Since then I have...

-worked a lot
-partied a little
-worked at speech camp
-completed a class
-started another class
-read 3 books
-help Cha and Heather and Mickey move
-gone swimming
-hung out with friends
-met mom and dad at the airport
-cried a little
-been BROKE
-laughed
-hung out with Jezibell

So it has actually been a pretty uneventful month other than speech camp which was super duper fantastic! I loved hanging out with Michael, Paige, Darren, Juice and the other kids. I heart high school P.A.ers.

I have a bruise on my arm that looks like fingerprints. Every day at work someone asks me what it is from and when I tell them I can see the side looks they give one another. I promise no one was beating me, Cha and Heather just have a lot of big, awkward stuff that sucked moving. I really do love their new place though so I guess that it was worth it, as long as I get to hang out whenever I want, play in their pool, and get free beer for life.

I am getting a hair cut on Saturday. I know to most this is not a big deal, but to me it is cause I want to really chop it off and I have been growing it for like two years now and am torn about what to do.

Work is work, I don't much like it anymore, but I do laugh with the ladies. I think that they will miss me when I am gone, and I will miss them as well.

So yeah, I don't know much of anything else. I am just here, doing my own thing I guess. Hopefully will update when I have something good to say.

Ahh...behold, the power of the tower of beer... this was the second one!
This was the first. I have mad props to those who partook in the tower of beer, cause this NorthernPrincess could not...If only I could go back in time...

All of us at the Q. (from left) Cha, KristinFriend,Jesus,BestFrienda, NorthernPrincess

My Favorite Drag Queen Ever! As seen at the Q in Lincoln. I peed my pants a little during this picture cause she touched me.

Holiday Weekend and Summer Jobs...

So summer is here, and I am working for a temp agency. I have been placed for the summer at a construction company in Mankato and do their billings and such. It is okay. I have the 8-?? and that is okay, I am getting used to mornings, however, I would really like to leave at 5 when I am supposed to but never usually do, and end up getting overtime. Not that I mind the extra cash, but I need a life outside of work to.

Today at work the printer and I had a fight. I had one last report to get printed and then I could go home for the day and the printer decided that it would be tired and not print anything. It kept printing this report that we cancelled like 4 times then finally after yelling at it, making everyone in the office laugh at me, it gave up and I triumphed over the printer. I love the sweet smell of freshly printed victory.

I never thought that words such as tonnage and haul code, haul rate, material phase, or quarry would be part of my everyday vocabulary, but alas they are. But really it isn't so bad. I am getting to know some of the other ladies and it is getting a little more easy to come into the office, plus dance parties to Skakira (sp) in Barb's cube help.

This weekend went up to the cities to chill with ChaCha and KristinFriend. It was wonderful. Hit up the local lesbian bar where a conversation about whether the bartender was a man or women took place, still unsure. I seriously have no clue on this one. But he/she was winking a lot at KristinFriend, so Cha and I tried to convince her to take her/him home to find out and let us know. KristinFriend decided that she wasn't interested in finding out and the mystery was more fun so we are right back where we started, unknowing. Bonus about "Pat"/"Gabe" the bartender, awesomely bad drinks that make you wonder how you got home and how you got that drunk cause you only had two white Russians, well that you remember anyway.

Got laughed at in the parking lot because I had a conversation with Cha that went like this...
"You honestly think that I am drunk enough to think that I should drive home!?!" -the crowd in the parking lot laughed at me. Then when I said, " NO, I can't drive home! Now, drive me home bitch." (bitch was not used in a mean way) The crowd applauded and I hung my head and got in the car, lost a pack of natives, and apparently cried alot because I missed BestFrienda. Now I don't remember this I am taking Cha's word for it, but there was a phone call placed to BestFrienda that evening where I told him that I loved him and that I was drunk. (again, no memory, he told me).

Saturday did some shopping and a CSI marathon with Kristin and Cha (when she got off work). Sunday more CSI, some shopping, tired to go to the 90's but is was crazy (not in the good way), left went to the Rock where photo hunt was played and high scores were accomplished. Monday was more CSI then home to nap before having to go to work on Tuesday.

So this post is way to crazy long so I will quit, but leave you with pictures from my trip back to the NE.
Peace and love to all.

The first cut is the deepest...

So my first year of graduate school has been over for a week now. Do I feel enlightened, NO, should I? I am not sure. I just know that I made it through and I only have a summer and a semester left of coursework then it is internship time. Yea! I can't believe that next year at this time I will have my hood.
The semester ended with a bang. Well metaphorically it did. We all got along, we all partied, and so far I haven't heard anyone talking shit on me so that is good.
Started at the temp. Agency full time working for Southern Minnesota Construction in their accounts payable department. It is an office job, it blows, but it is good money. I put in 30 hours in the last 3 days, I am tired but busy. I like to be busy. Today at work my boss called her computer "sassy" it made me laugh, then I got into a fight with my stapler for a good 15 minutes. It was a good time. Makes the day interesting.
Headed home to the H-town/S-town tomorrow. I am so excited. I haven't seen my family since before my birthday so I can't wait to see them and my friends again. Kristin and Char are making the trip with me so it will be extremely fun! I can't wait. So much left to do. The extra hours at work this week made it hard for me to get anything done to prepare for the trip. By the time I get home I am exhausted so I go to bed.
So tomorrow I need to accomplish:

-doing my laundry
-cleaning out my car
-vacuuming out my car
-washing my car
-packing
-trying on all the clothes in my closet so I have something decent to wear for graduation
-cleaning my house so it isn't such a pit
-dishes
-playing with Jezi-bell so she doesn't destroy the house while I am gone

I think that is it. Lots to do before 4:00. Hopefully my schedule will work out and I wont be running around like crazy before we take off. Yea!

Okay I am tired. I am going to bed. Much love to all. Hope to see you when I am back home!

No matter what, Tuesday will always be my favorite day of the semester.

So this is my last day of my first year of graduate school. I have been done since last week but I give my students their final today and I am done. Yea! It is strange to actually feel a sense of accomplishment this year. At Hastings it was like WooHoo I'm done, but here it is like, I can't believe I made it through this entire year without having a nervous breakdown. So yeah. I'm done.

Summer is looking like it is going to be rather unproductive. I still haven't found a job. I am working for a temp. Agency right now, but I have only worked 5 hours for them. I need money. Real bad. I am taking 2 classes, so that will keep me busy for a month, but seriously, I need a job.

Forensics banquet was last weekend. So much fun, some tears, and a difficult good bye. I hate end of the year parties.

Jezi-bell Marie is driving me crazy! Ugh, if this what having a child is like, I don't want one.

I need to get ready for the final. I don't want to do out and get my make-up out of my car. Maybe I won't. I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

I hate morning. The sun comes right in my window and pisses me off. Stupid sun.

I am coming back to Hastings for graduation. Will be in Friday night until Sunday. Let me know what's going on there, someone, okay?

Okay, I need to get moving. Will post pictures of the wedding and such later, I promise. Okay peace out.

Update on life.

Here is what has been going on...
-Back from NFA, slept a lot
-Only 2 weeks left of school
-Played in the cities all weekend
-Got Super Cute new shoes, pink faux alegator with a silver buckle
-Almost finished with my Methods paper, hopefully done this evening
-Stressed about summer jobs and classes

And thats about it. Post more later.

Oh, yeah, recieved a phone call today that began with, "So, I have your panties..." that was weird.

Anyways, have a good day everyone, hope end of the semester is going well for everyone!

NFA Post.

So I am here in beautiful Eau Claire, WI for NFA. So far things are going well. No huge mishaps, well perhaps one where a nice gentleman got the VERY wrong impression and asked me out on a date type meeting and proclaimed to another coach how "HOT" I am. After meeting said gentleman out for a drink ( I had to go to let him down), much to my superise and annoyance, he was drunk, very, very, drunk and touching me and flirting and making me very uncomfortable. I am not sure what part of, "All I want to do is drink a beer and talk as friends." gives the wrong impression. I even told him I was dating someone and it still didn't quit. So after I left his side at the bar, and started chatting with other Mankato peeps, he came over and invaded our table. (I was not impressed at all) Finally I was able to convince him that I needed to get to bed cause it was an early morning and he insisted on walking me to my room! Ugh, I politly declined a couple of times and finally he left. I waited 5 minues and then headed back to my room so that I could call ChaCha to discuss the situation. Then this morning said gentleman came up to me (my avoidance techniques were off due to lack of sleep and little coffee) to APOLOZIGE for being an asshole. In my true form I said, "Don't apologize, it wasn't a big deal." I was trying to be nice. Then for the next 15 minutes I had to politly decline invatations for drinks for the rest of the week.

Ugh, I guess I don't understand. My only reaction was, damn I am hott and why it is only at nationals when guys want to pick me up? I suppose it is some sort of tradition for me, but this time was utterly annoying and unpleasent.

Other news. I am having so much fun here at NFA. The team has gone crazy. I think that I have almost peed my pants from laughing at least 6 time. Other than it taking 5 hours to get here because we were stuck in traffic in the cities for about 2 hours, everything is wonderful and I know that we will do well. Yea. Okay I need to go and do something else not.

Peace out my friend. Hope you are having fun whatever you are doing.

Funny Quote

This is what happenend in the office today...
We sat around and made fun of each other and than someone gave the office chocolate and it only got worse.

"I just choked on a Robin's egg!"-Frank
"Really no on should give me chocolate because I will just eat a mass quanity of it."-Holly
"The damn Robin's egg is still stuck in my throat."-Frank
"Hey, whats 7x18?"-Frank
"I don't know, let me look on my phone."-Holly

So it is crazy in here and fun. I love it.