New year, new me.

So for me the start of another school year began today with the first coaches meeting. It went well, we laughed, discussed topics, etc. Tomorrow starts work week. Saturday is the state fair with Kittie, and then school starts on Monday. I am stressed, but not too yet, I haven't really thought much about school yet. The stress will come and then I will remind myself that I am done with my course work in December and then all I have in my internship and the paper and I am DONE with my Master's degree. I can't believe that I am halfway through a degree, I am just now figuring out how to get around Mankato and shortly I will be leaving it, ahh.... I love that thought.

It has been an interesting last month. I have found out a lot about people whom I considered friends but really aren't. I have to wonder if it is really something that I have done or if it is their own insecurity or need to have drama in their lives that causes it all.
I wonder when I will stop trying so hard for everyone else and for once in my life let people come to me and not the other way around.
I am tired of making all of the effort in certain friendships. I am constantly trying to stay connected to those that are important but after so many phone call are left unreturned because of busyness or new significant others, and plans being broken because our plan are forgotten or not exactly nailed down to the minute and I am left alone, ditched, without plans because mine were broken and while my "friends" are off doing the things that they ditched me for, do they think of me and how my feelings are hurt? Do they think that, "wow it has been a month since I have seen my friend. Maybe I should try a little harder to get to see her. Maybe I should go and visit her for a change. Maybe I could change my plans just this once since I don 't get to see her that often and she has been dealing with a lot of pain and heartache lately and she may need someone." I don't even thing that these thoughts cross the minds of those that hurt me. I really don't even think that they know.

I would also like to address a recent loss of friendship that came from nowhere. I mean how much to I have to do to show you that we are friends? Is not driving 8 1/2 hours to a party that I wasn't even invited to by you enough to show that we are friends? I am sorry that you do not see it that way and I am sorry that you feel like it should be an end to our friendship. I will not argue and fight. Instead I will laugh at funny memories and wish you luck in your life. I hope that you do find happiness in all that you do. I hope that the world treats you right and I hope that everyone that you encounter in your life makes you laugh and can see the talent and hope that you bring with you. I wish you love and luck.

I think that this year will be good for me. I am finally at a place where I can say no and let go of the hurt of the last year. While I may not forget I think that I have forgiven. I know that it will be a long year, one that is also trying on me, to figure out what my next path will be. It will be good. I think that this year also will hold a lot of laughs and good memories. I have already found new friends and ways to spend my time. I am working on keeping a positive attitude about everything, even the things that are said that hurt me. I have found love and I feel like I can do anything now with the undeniable support that is given to me everyday. Love is funny, when I didn't have it I thought I was okay, but now that I have it I would do anything to keep it and never want to live my life again without it. Cheesy, I know. I just feel like I am a new person these days. The future is not so dark. Life is good. The new year is here. I know that this year there will be a new me.