Valentine's Day: Reflections

There have only been 2 years when I have actually had a Valentine. My first was with someone whom I still love, and we have an amazing friendship. My second was with someone who I loved very much at the time and now I wish was still a part of my life. But times change. People change. I feel that Valentine's Day is a day that is stupid. Why should one certain day be set aside to tell/show the ones in your life that you love them?

Maybe love is a making an unexpected visit, or getting someone their favorite coffee even though it isn't yours. Maybe love is just holding one another in the dark of night and confessing everything that you have never said before. Maybe love is just when you look at someone and know that without them your life would hold no meaning and not be a joyfully complicated as it is.

That is how I love. That is how my Valentine knows my love. Not because I went out and spent a bunch of money on things that will be forgotten within the next month. But sharing the simple parts of life with eachother. Love is hard. That is what I have learned these past 5 months. But I try to keep working at it. I try to be better. I try to be someone that can be loved.

Tonight I sat here trying to do my homework and thought of all the people in my life that I love. I wonder if they really know it. I wonder if I show it the way that I feel it. I wonder if I could do more... I just don't know what to do to show it. I hope that all of you reading this know that I love you. I hope that you know this without question. I hope that even though we may not be in constant contact you are still in my thoughts almost daily.

So even though the "day of love" is still 24 hours away, I love you. Happy Heart Day. My heart misses you. My heart wishes you were with me. My heart cried a little today without you. My heart, even though not shattered, is broken when we are not together. I wish I could express how sometimes my love. It is so overpowering that I feel like I could burst at any moment because I cannot find the words to tell you how much I Love You. My words, and actions are not enough sometimes.

I know that I am a hard person to love. So indecisive, mean, hard, shelled. But underneath it all I am just a simple girl wanting someone to love me, for who I am, what I am and what I dream to be.