You know that feeling you get after you've spent a bunch of time with people and then you go home and you are alone and it feels kinda funny? I feel like that. Except I feel like even though I spent the last weekend surrounded in love, I still felt alone and scared. I don't know why. I don't understand it. Maybe it is the drugs from the cold, maybe it is the seriousness of the talks, maybe it is the contemplation of the future. I don't exactly know what it is all I know is that I am lonely and I have to go to school tomorrow and I can't hear out of my left ear, my syllabus is not done, nor is my lesson plan, I want to go back to bed and sleep for like 47 hours until I don't feel sick anymore. Until I don't feel empty inside. Until I know that this is not a fluke. I finally quit feeling like everything would end tomorrow and now I feel like that again. I hate when I second guess my happiness, I think I deserve at least a little bit of it. Why do I always have to ruin the things that make me happy? Why does it have to hurt?